Job Vacancy – Premier of the State of SA

Applicant #1 – Jay Weatherill.

Biggest achievements –

• UNPRECEDENTED run of making SA’s level of unemployment the highest in Australia,
• RECORD levels of turmoil and mismanagement in the Health sector,
• HIGHEST electricity prices in the world,
• STATEWIDE factory and industry closures,
• HALF – HEARTED support for ICAC,
• INCOMPETENCE in management and tragic results under his watch of children in State care,
• CREATING levels of confidence and optimism that saw a net exodus of over 6,000 South Australians from this State,
• UNPRECEDENTED absence of transparency in government and sale of publicly owned assets,
• AVERAGE household water bills growing 233% between 2001-02 and 2016-17,
• STAGGERINGLY unpopular and pointless proposals relating to time zones, nuclear dumps and driverless cars,
• ENORMOUS benefit to the State when Mr Weatherill’s extraordinary hubris saw him assemble his own film crews to film him on his overseas travels.

Applicant #2 – Nick Xenophon.

Biggest achievements –

• WALKED away from the Liberals early on in his career to flirt with Labor,
• GOT into state Parliament with less than 3% of the vote while promising the world in relation to gambling and pokies (anyone notice any difference yet?),
• ENTERED State Parliament when he saw the opportunity to be king maker,
• WALKED (again) away from State Parliament when he saw the opportunity to be a bigger king maker in Federal Parliament
• WHEN a number of crazy Queenslanders and a few even crazier West Australians had the same idea and spoiled his plans, walked (again) away from Federal Parliament
• SEEKS now to return to the first Parliament that he spurned because he once again sees an opportunity to be king maker (if not king).

To paraphrase Paul Keating – all nuts and no baklava.

Applicant #3 – Steven Marshall.

Biggest achievements – T.B.A.

Applicant #4 – Daffy Duck.

Biggest achievements – makes people happy.

My vote?

Go Daffy!